I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.