Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
