oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often