Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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