Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The beer is more important than you right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.