Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We have so much sex to catch up on
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
