Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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