my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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