Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
