he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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