I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Come on in and take your pants off
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