Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
