The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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