Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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