yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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