Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yo dont text me then not text me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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