the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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