Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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