My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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