i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
worst night to have a conscience
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
