Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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