Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
