please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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