We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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