I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
