I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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