Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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