you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
