he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
