I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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