Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
