Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
