what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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