Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
