6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
