Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
