I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
