At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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