went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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