He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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