Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
