Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
