no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
