I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize