Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
one might say we're banned from that church
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize