if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
