I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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