do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
