Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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