her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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