You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
