I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
