Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
