Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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