She announced her abortion via fbk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
