I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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