Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
