It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
im on a boat
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