He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize