it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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