Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate all girls vehemently.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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