and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
