now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She announced her abortion via fbk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
