Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
