I bet he comes in French.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Did I show you my penis last night?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
