A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
