i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
