one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
