what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
