Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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