He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
