My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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