I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.