Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober