Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

Fav 22 4865 887
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.

Fav 30 4102 3147
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

How did the beer even get there in the first place?

(734): View more from Michigan

That's not what's important right now

Fav 30 3402 4228
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.

Fav 24 2512 3809
share tweet
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm

Fav 9 3093 1073
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

Fav 10 1196 2975
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.

Fav 3 1159 1598
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(407): View more from Florida

There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.

Fav 4 776 518
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(505): View more from New Mexico

If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now

Fav 2 256 435
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT