Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now