Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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