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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

  Fav 12 1493 914

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

  Fav 19 1058 5819

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  can you pick me up an extra syllabus

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i passed out in the shower again

  Fav 26 4563 1341

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

  Fav 29 6295 2011

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+91): View more from India

  Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish there were birth control emojis

  Fav 16 738 1117

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer

  Fav 4 1453 730

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.

  Fav 8 1156 735

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• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila

  Fav 0 645 272

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• (509): View more from Washington

  he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.

  Fav 2 769 336

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