The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
