You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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