Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  well I can't set my house on fire every night

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  (248): well I can't set my house on fire every night http://tfl.nu/iwc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1586) Bad night (1151)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter

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  (414): fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter http://tfl.nu/kvk4
  Replies (15) Good night (1086) Bad night (4504)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1452) Bad night (4151)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.

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  (914): I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box. http://tfl.nu/rmin
  Replies (22) Good night (5754) Bad night (907)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?

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  (712): whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice? http://tfl.nu/r74z
  Replies (90) Good night (4093) Bad night (1110)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

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  (804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1
  Replies (12) Good night (7523) Bad night (1941)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.

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  (+44): We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in. http://tfl.nu/xqye
  Replies (8) Good night (3825) Bad night (1028)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position

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  (205): Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position http://tfl.nu/050n
  Replies (3) Good night (993) Bad night (1900)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.

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  (785): Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before. http://tfl.nu/gt36
  Replies (6) Good night (1674) Bad night (1537)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.

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  (630): Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad. http://tfl.nu/cvju
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (1727)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.

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  (902): The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes. http://tfl.nu/ae5m
  Replies (3) Good night (2091) Bad night (786)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  That literally makes no sense

  (406): View more from Montana

  Exactly

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  (406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l
  Replies (7) Good night (2159) Bad night (699)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude our life is a booze cruise

  (585): View more from New York

  But without boats...

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  (585): Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise (770): Dude our life is a booze cruise (585): But without boats... http://tfl.nu/7gcu
  Replies (2) Good night (1314) Bad night (399)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.

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  (580): The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive. http://tfl.nu/8405
  Replies (7) Good night (1065) Bad night (519)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need

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  (908): It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need http://tfl.nu/txcf
  Replies (3) Good night (480) Bad night (213)

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