i was born a porn star she said
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
