I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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